Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Little Attention Please

Typical Date
There used to be a Paid Service Announcement about parents spending time with their children. According to the ad, children wanted your time not gadgets.  How does attention apply to dating and relationships?

We all want attention, even those who say they don’t. If you’re married or in a relationship and your companion ignores you, what do you have? Not much - you probably have a better relationship with your pet. Attention shows the other person that you care.  I recently had a spa service where the technician told me about her upcoming divorce in detail. The crux of the matter was the man, her soon to be ex, paid no attention to her. He came home from work and watched movies on his computer. The two of them weren’t even sitting together and watching television.

Women value attention. It’s simply another way of saying, “I love you.” Before you start grumbling about women being attention whores, don’t underestimate men’s need for recognition. Men adore women who listen.

European and Latin-American men have it all over Americans because they focus more on who they are with. This makes them more desirable in the dating game. Why not even the playing field?

1.       Unplug - When you’re out on a date with someone new or not new, don’t read texts or answer the phone. (Most items really can wait.)

2.       Eating in a restaurant - Don’t face the television or crane your head to watch television. Only in America do we have a television in almost every restaurant and bar. In other countries, people actually talk while dining.

3.       Call your date, don’t text - Texting is to convey simple messages such as running late. Hearing your voice deepens affection. If someone doesn’t want to hear your voice, then it’s a non-relationship.

4.       Turn down or off the television when your significant other or date is talking to you - This shows the other person that he or she is important.

5.       Do things without electronic media - Physical activities such as walking, biking, hiking, or canoeing allow you to talk, share, and focus on one another.

6.       Listen – Wait for a conversational lull to insert your answer, similar story, or platitude.

7.       Ask questions - This not only helps you learn more, but also shows you’re paying attention. The questions have to be relevant. If your date is talking about how she rescued baby ducks stranded in the road, an inquiry about any desire to travel to the moon won’t work.

8.       Eye Contact - If a person isn’t looking at you when you’re speaking, it is hard to know if he or she is paying attention. Eye contact is the non-verbal way of saying “you matter.”

9.       Non-verbal cues - This can be anything from a smile to a nod that signals your attention. Often when a man is interested in a woman he uses his body to block her from other men’s view. He’s saying this one is mine.

10.   Remember - It isn’t enough to hear what someone is saying, it’s also important to remember. A person scores major points if he or she remembers favorite foods, flowers, movie quotes, etc. This is another way of telling your date that he or she is important. This information can be used to plan future meetings or gifts too.

11.   Handwritten Notes - These are becoming so rare that they are almost like gold. The notes don’t have to be elaborate or even overly sentimental. It is a quick and unexpected reminder of your affection. (A text is nice, but it isn’t as tangible as a physical token.)

12.   Proximity - This can be tricky depending on where you are in the dating relationship. Plenty of couples at restaurants sit so far apart, that it looks like they’re not speaking. Scooting your chair closer, or leaning in your date’s direction shows interest. If your date steps away or begins leaning back, then you’re too close.

These are a few ways to show that special person that he or she matters. I’ve talked to dozens of people about first dates. One of the central themes for the lack of a second date was the belief that the date wasn’t interested. This could be true, but more likely the date didn’t convey interest appropriately. Both parties walked away thinking the other wasn’t interested. Something to consider.

Here's a video about a man who decided to give his girlfriend the time she needed.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Conflicting Dating Messages

Someone did the numbers, there’s plenty of single people to go around dating-wise, except when you get to sixty, and older, then the women outnumber the men. Why are so many people home alone when they don’t want to be? Personally, I think it is conflicting messages.

Here’s just a few.

A random survey showed men photos of celebrities with and without their makeup. A large majority pick the sans makeup celebrity over 60% of the time. Consider that these are women who have professionals do their makeup. A little Photo Shopping may have helped too. The men complained about red lipstick and dark eye shadow being a turn-off. Okay, the message here is to go light on the makeup or no makeup at all.

Data from the online dating site, Zoosk, revealed the men message women wearing eye makeup more than any other ones. Those wearing lipstick were a close second. Women who went for the whole glam got more initial responses. The women who chose to go without makeup might have read the first part about men preferring a natural look. Plenty of articles out there about men preferring not to date done women. With complaints from the makeup getting on the men’s clothing to the red lipstick being scary.  What’s the deal here?

·         Men are liars.
·         Men like the idea of women glamming up for the initial photos. (They mistakenly think it is all for them. As opposed to the thousands who might see the photo.)
·         They believe celebrities look better w/o makeup than a normal woman would.
·         They can visualize themselves in an everyday relationship with a celebrity.
·         Different men were used in each survey
·         The Zoosk survey where the men wanted makeup focused on men in their 20’s & early 30’s. This age group is notoriously unsatisfied with their appearance. It’s no wonder they desired a woman glammed up. They may have viewed a done woman as a confident female. Of course, women know this isn’t true at all.

She's Hoping to Attract a Man Who Will Stick to Her
If you’re a celebrity watcher, the newest trend seems to be clothing that doesn’t really work as clothing allowing glimpses of underwear or even a person not wearing underwear. The wardrobe malfunctions are deliberate and often guarantee free publicity for weeks. Most of us don’t leave the house in a dress with a thigh-high slit sans undergarments. This info is more confusing than the makeup one was.

Online dating info reveals that women posed in provocative outfits do get more looks and responses. Before you strap on your bombshell bra and thong for a photo session. Read on.

·         Men are visual creatures. Of course, they look. They look at car wrecks and monster trucks too.
·         Often when they look, they are critical because they’ve seen too many air-brushed models
·         They assume women in super sexy outfits can be had on the first date or for the price of dinner.
·         Some men refuse to respond to such a woman because they’re shopping for a long-term relationship, not a one-night stand.
·         Other men may go out with cleavage flaunter, but will usually want her to dress more conservatively in public.

No matter what the celebs wear you have to consider your clothing blasts a message.  It is better to make sure you’re onboard with the message.

Actual Dating Profile Pics

 As for the duck lips or what women view as a sexy pout, no men found this attractive. It was usually viewed as a device for immature women who craved attention the way a caffeine junkie craves coffee. Read: high matienance.

There’s more mixed messages. I’ll save some for next time. If you’re wondering, the women send plenty of mixed messages too.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

The New Sexy

It is easy to assume most single people are looking for a supermodel type or someone with six-pack abs. If they had a brush with a financially unstable hottie, then probably not. Main Street’s recent article details how being good with money is the new sexy.

Women who require expensive dates and lavish presents resemble a bad investment. This is a sign of someone who will be financially irresponsible in a relationship.  There are other clues including impulse buys, buying items at peak prices, an excess of gadgets, clothes, and memberships that are never used. If a person is more about appearances than substance, expect financial hardship down the road.

Dates who brag about clubs they’re a member of or vacations at well-advertised resorts are all about appearances. This person will have little time or money to invest in a relationship because his or her goal is to be riding the latest trend.  Often they want to live like a celebrity on a non-celebrity paycheck. 

It’s hard to enjoy life when consumed with thoughts of how to pay your mortgage. If you have a date/companion who balks at an ordinary movie and dinner date to decrease your stress level, then you’ve encountered someone who doesn’t care about you. What you really have is someone who will leave you for someone who will spend more money.  This isn’t love, but more of a bidding war. Get out while you can.

It shouldn’t be too surprising that early disagreements about money are a predictor of a relationship failure. Couples with different financial backgrounds have trouble combining their views.  An adult from a wealthy or an indulgent family may buy big-ticket items willy-nilly without a thought to the combined finances.

Partners/Dates who are financially irresponsible often put a strain on the relationship. Sometimes they want the partner to bail them out from letting them move in or having them pay their charge card bills. Views regarding money shapes people’s financial outlook. Spending money can sometimes be a power trip for some people. Even if they are spending money that they don’t have.

 Most relationships end due to money problems or infidelity, sometimes both. It is no wonder that having experienced this type of financial trauma most people want to avoid it. Living within your means results in a happy, stable relationship as opposed to the unexpected surprise of one that careens out of control, wildly due to impulsive spending.

Men interviewed for the article explained that they found women with planned buying habits sexy. Saving for a purchase as opposed to buying on a whim is the new push-up bra. Looks are less important than previously thought. Sound money decisions makes a person more attractive. How important money decisions are also depends on age too.  Those thirty and over are tired of digging change out of the sofa for a drive-thru dinner. To avoid this scenario, they're willing to put more emphasis on financial stability than looks.

Chemistry still holds the number one place in choosing a mate, but financial acumen can create the spark. It’s something to think about.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Failed Relationships Can Work in Your Favor

Who hasn’t had a friend quote to them, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” after a breakup. Lord Tennyson penned those memorable lines after a death of a close friend. Even though his grief was intense, he was still grateful for the experience.

It turns out those relationships that didn’t stand the test of time may make a person more desirable. A recent survey pointed out that when looking for a potential date or even mate, women prefer men who’ve had previous relationships. All those relatives or friends who cast aspersions because a relationship didn’t last were unaware that by having a relationship a man proves he’s date-worthy.

Women prefer a man that other women married or were in a relationship with. Ironically, this is the same in nature too. The female primate prefers the male that other females mated with.  It isn’t too surprising that a man in a relationship is appealing because he’s already passed another woman’s approval.

The man who’s never had a solid relationship is a risk that most women are not willing to undertake. Being divorced and ready to try again can be a good characteristic on a dating profile, but there’s a fine line. Most women will accept two failed relationships within a four-year period. More than two doesn’t sound like a much of a relationship but more like a serial dater.

Five or more within a four-year period scares most women away. Consider the time it takes to develop a relationship. It means the man drifts from one woman to the next without any down time to grieve or even consider his actions.  Such behavior signals the inability to be alone. It is a bright red flag waving in the wind, signaling that five women found the man unsatisfactory.

Why is two the magic number?  It demonstrates the man has enough good traits to interest women. The fact he’s only had two relationships within a four year timeframe demonstrates he’s made an effort to maintain the relationship. He valued the relationship and the women.

The man who’s had one relationship might be a fluke. The one who has two isn’t. It is another new characteristic in building the profile of an attractive, datable male. First, being a homeowner is a big deal. Then an excellent credit score improves a man’s attractiveness.  Now, a man who has loved and lost is actually a proven catch.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The Body Part Survey

Another study conducted both in the UK and South Africa surveyed what part of the body part appealed to the opposite sex. The point of the study was to see if people on two different continents shared the same results. There were 41 body parts/areas to choose from, but some received no votes.  The results were very similar, but split along gender lines.

Women preferred in this order when looked at a male model attired in underwear.

1.       Lips & mouth
2.       Inner thigh
3.       Nape of the neck
4.       Nipples
5.       Lower back

The forearm rated at the least attractive male feature. It would be interested to see this study repeated in the United States with an emphasis on muscular models. 

                  Where are the biceps, the six-pack abs, the muscular chest?

Men preferred in this order when looking at a female model in underwear.

1.       Lips
2.       Nape of neck
3.       Breast/nipples (tie)
4.       Bottom
5.       Hips

The feet merited the least attractive feature in women. Just think of all the money wasted   on    pedicures and shoes.

The female list isn’t too big of a surprise with the traditional characteristic that make a woman look different from a male. Several studies insist men prefer curvy women, but stick thin models crowd runaways and magazines. The reason behind this is to highlight the clothes, not the body wearing them.  The message women receive is that super thin is desirable.

Women might do well to put more emphasis on what goes on their lips as opposed to their feet. Then again, they might not be wearing shoes to entice men, but themselves according to another study. 

Do you agree with the study? Why or why not?

Sunday, June 15, 2014

The Importance of Being Real

I will willingly admit to watching  I Wanna Marry Harry where twelve women compete for the affections of a Prince Harry lookalike. Finding and marrying a prince is almost every young girl’s dreams especially if she’s watched Disney movies. To be fair to Fox who produces the show, they never ever tell the females they are dating Harry. However, the women arrive in England, stay in a castle, and experience the royal treatment. Cut to the chase, our fake prince wants to be loved for who he is. However, despite the women fighting over the humble Brit, they could be repulsed when they discover he doesn’t even own a car, let alone a crown.

The first response is that the women were gold diggers. It would be easy to say the women must be stupid not to realize the royals would never allow the show to happen. A couple hold doctorates, so that isn’t the answer. The women want to believe that they could attract the attention of a prince. Being a prince is part of the package that makes the man desirable.

It’s ironic that many people entering the dating world decide to pad out or disguise their real package. The men stand beside expensive sports cars, yachts or planes they don’t own for photos. Then they are upset with dates who reject them when they find out the truth. Keep in mind; they attracted women who wanted that particular package.

The same is true with men who post photographs attempting extreme sports. A bookish accountant posts a pic of the one time he skied and meets a competitive skier. She expects him to understand her devotion to the sport. Trapped in a half lie, he endures going to various trials, ski gear shows, and hanging out with her ski friends. Not only does he feels trapped, but maybe a combination of being overwhelmed and discovery haunt the developing relationship.

Women who've had plastic surgery eventually come to resent the men who like them due to the plastic surgery. They insist they want someone who loves for who they really are. It is hard to find someone who loves you for you are when you aren’t presenting the real package. It is rather like the star of I Wanna Marry Harry resenting the women who wanted to marry a prince.

 Men and women both work to create what they believe is a desirable package, especially if they are making a re-entry into the dating world. Often you see women in too tight clothes, too dark tan, too much makeup, and obviously colored hair; it is the just divorced look. Men have their own version of this that includes tight jeans, gelled hair and sunglasses.

Everyone has heard the old adage about people in a relationship letting themselves go. What if they didn’t let themselves go, but reverted to who they really were? Many whirlwind romances often dissolve after marriage with people claiming they married a stranger.

Part of the problem is people are afraid to be who they really are. Their fears are that who they are isn’t enough to attract a partner. With all their work to be someone other than who they are, they ended up attracting someone who wouldn’t be a good match. Often people, ignore the signs, that a person isn’t a good fit because they want a relationship so much.

The failure of the flawed relationship compounds the erroneous belief that who they are isn’t enough.  It is hard to attract the right person who would be perfect for you when you are working hard to be someone else. The first step is to realize you are a desirable, valuable individual just the way you are. Once you do that, you’ll eventually attract someone who loves you for you.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Male Dating Profile Photos to Delete ASAP

This is an actual Dating Profile Pic
A woman in an outdated hairstyle or clothing more reminiscent of something your mother wore is a real turn off. In you ever saw the movie, Must Love Dogs; you’ll remember the helpful sister put the forty-ish main character’s college graduation photo as a profile shot, another mistake. Sometimes the dating profile stumbles are different for men.

1.       The Abs Shot- sure it’s great you have abs, but watch out for the conclusions women might draw. One is that you’re a body-obsessed weightlifter. The other is you imagine your potential dates to be superficial. There is a third option, especially, if there is no head, is that you used someone else’s abs. With Photo Shop, you can even keep the head on.

2.       The Car Shot- you may love your car, but probably don’t want to use it in a photo. It implies your car is very important that some women find this off-putting. Women who define men by the car they drive could possible discount you before you even meet.

3.       You, Your Laptop, and the Messy Room- this snapshot is wrong on so many levels. First, it tells potential dates you’re a slob, little more than an adolescent no matter what your age is. It also shows you didn’t care enough to tidy one corner of the room for the pic. Finally, the laptop, even though we all use them, conjures up the image of a lonely misfit scrolling through chat rooms and porn sites.  
Messy Room, No Laptop, but Still Weird

4.     The barefoot shot- a recent survey conducted in the UK and South Africa revealed that the humble foot is a turn-off. I’m not too surprised since most men fail to keep up their foot grooming.

5.     The Too Good Photo- I know you went somewhere your friend suggested. Were spiffed up and had a little work done, the Photo Shop kind for an amazing shot. Problem is you’ll never look like that in real life. Plenty of women shoot themselves in the foot with Glamour shots; don’t fall into the same hole.

6.      The Other Woman pictures- It might be Vegas showgirls, co-workers, Hooter girls, or even your sister. All your potential date sees is another woman at your side and there is no room for her. Some men put old wedding photo thinking a photo is better than no photo. In this case, it isn’t.

7.       The Drunk or Drinking Photo- You know if you were drunk in the picture. If your smile looks off kilter or your leaning against the wall because you couldn’t stand on your own, nix the photo, Same goes with the photos of you and the giant margarita or carrying a half dozen beers, it only makes you look like an alcoholic as opposed to a social drinker.

8.     The Baby Prop- If you don’t have a baby, don't use one. Some men mistakenly think it makes them look attractive rather like posing with a puppy. Not so, the woman sees a man trolling for a mother or grandmother. However, the puppy works.

9.     The Mr. Adventure Photo- This is where you might have done something once and took a photo. The photo of you climbing into a racecar at the Epcot test track or standing by a hot air balloon implies this is something you normally do. What you thought would be a cool photo turns off women afraid of heights or irritated by NASCAR. Ironically, you were never that into either.

10.  The Miscellaneous Photo- While dating, I would sometimes pull up profiles crowded with photos. My first thought was the man had a great self-image to load so many pics until I found out they were miscellaneous shots of leaves, water, sunsets and other odd things. At first, I thought it was a chance to showcase photography skills, but I wasn’t looking for a photographer. In retrospect, I realize he could have easily downloaded the images from various sites. In the end, it told me nothing about him. It was a waste of time.

11.   The Selfie is the worst offender. Especially if taken with a flash in the bathroom mirror with a messy background too. It tells potential dates that you have no friends or even co-workers willingly to take a snapshot. There is the creep element to it too. Why are you in the bathroom taking selfies? Who do you not want to know?

Eharmony actually advises people to post adventure shots to look interesting. Warning: if you've only done it once and didn't like it, or do not plan on doing it again, don't post it. This lovely picture could snag avid hikers or turn off women who avoid the outdoors like the plague.

What photos cause you to delete a profile?

Friday, May 30, 2014

Eight Modern Rules for Dating

A recent article on Tango website revealed the eight modern rules to dating.
1.       Women want to pay according to the survey, 42% of women stated they’d pay the tab.
Really?  I find this hard to believe. Are they volunteering to pay the tab in order to get a date? Sharing the tab is an entirely different matter. Whoever pays for the date is in control of the date technically. This is a power switch because the woman wants to dictate the date.

Traditionally the man paid and planned the date. I ran this idea past a man to get the male POV. If he really wanted to go out with the woman, then it was okay. A woman he wasn’t sure about, he’d put it down to her being controlling and forget about her.

2.       Fifteen minutes is all it takes to decide if a person will work as a date. This means any time spent after the fifteen is a waste if the initial spark doesn’t occur.

I have to disagree. While, I liked my sweetie initially I wasn’t sure about continuing to see him until the third date. Dead certain by the fifth date. The first fifteen minutes of our initial date was spent ordering food. Is a person supposed to get up and leave after fifteen minutes making up an excuse about a sick pet?

3.       Don’t like your date for some reason, tell him.  Forget politeness, maybe your date isn’t picking up on that you don’t like him, share your feeling it will be a courtesy.

Disagree, dating is hard enough without receiving an immediate critique while on the date. Cutting the date short, a refusal of all future dates, refusing to accept a friend request or a thanks, but no thanks works better than a 10 things I hate about you list, especially in a public setting.

4.       Don’t go all the way on the first date or for several dates afterwards. There is no opportunity or reason to get to know each other. Often after the fateful one night stand, there are no future dates or they tend to resemble booty calls.

I agree with Tango.

5.       Follow up after a date is an expectation. Women usually like an immediate call or text by the next day. Men tend to wait three days as to not to appear too eager.  Lack of follow up indicates at least one person was not that impressed.

6.       Phone your date.  There’s a half dozen ways you can communicate with your date, but over 80% still prefer hearing your voice.

Agree. Each level from texting to status updates puts distance between people. Do you really want to share how you felt about your date with 300 online friends?

7.       When is the right time to FB your date? The younger the person the more likely they’d friend the date.

Keep in mind, how much of your love life you want to make public. One young dater confessed he scrolled through women’s profiles discovering their taste in music, movies, and favorite foods.  He also discovered their sense of humor or lack of one. He decided if they were down to earth or a drama queen. He managed all of this in a couple of hours of meandering through social media.  He explained it was the equivalent of six dates. He almost never went out with a female after examining her social media. He explained with a grin and a shrug that there was no need.

8.       Do stuff with your friends. It allows your friend to meet your date, but also allows you to see how your date interacts with your friends.

If a person is putting on an act, it is harder to keep it up with multiple people. Often it is good to see how he or she is with others before you get too involved.

Overall, Tango’s advice was decent even if it was meant for a younger crowd. Is there any item you violently disagree with?

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

15 Things that Chase Women Away

What can turn a handsome fellow into an ugly jerk on the first date or before? Cosmo magazine believes this list covers it. The comments are my own.

  1.     Aggressive or reckless driving.
If a guy is a jerk to anonymous drivers, it’s a cinch he’ll blow up at his date eventually. This is also a person with a victim mentality and takes everything personally.

  2.     A soul patch or goatee.
Trying too hard to be cool and not keeping up with the trends. Many balding men go with a goatee to prove they can grow hair somewhere. Most women are not impressed.

  3.     Wearing anything by Ed Hardy.
It is similar to number two. Ed Hardy attire’s natural habitat is on a teenage boy’s back.

  4.     Smoking.
It makes everything smell like smoke including your breath, hair, clothes, and your date.

5.     Calling all their friends “bro.”
It makes the man sound like a bad sitcom character. The one who tries to act like a hipster, but isn’t. It also demonstrates a level of immaturity that is unbecoming.

6.     Having no hobbies or interests.
Seriously, who has no hobbies or interests? Television is not an interest or a hobby. It shows a lack of imagination and provides no conversational tidbits. It screams boring.

7.     Not reading books.
This is very similar to six. It shows no intelligence or imagination. Once again, the woman has no way to connect with the man. She might pick a man who likes some of the same authors or genres.

8.     Bad manners.
Never pleasant, but the essential lack of manners can kill future dates.

9.     Bad grammar or spelling.
This usually shows up on online profiles. With spell check and grammar check on Word, there’s no excuse for this. Even Facebook corrects your spelling. It shows the man doesn’t care enough to make a good impression. It demonstrates a lack of ambition too. The man never tried in school and is not making any effort to move up the career ladder as demonstrated by his grammar and spelling.

10.   Being rude to servers, bartenders, or people who work in retail.
Some men think this is powerful behavior, but it is humiliating for the woman. The woman who the man is trying to impress may have been or is a waitress, bartender or works in retail. You can bet she knows somebody that does.

11.   Swearing a lot.
There are some professions were swearing is common. Even with that said, a date isn’t work. It is hard to differentiate between I’m swearing because I’m mad or I’m swearing because I’m the adult version of a junior high boy. Neither is popular.

12.   Indecisiveness.
This is the seemingly nice guy who can’t make up his mind what restaurant to go to or movie to see. Often, he’ll ask his date for ideas and still act unsure. Women like for men to plan dates. Mr. Indecisive ends up making the woman do all the work. If he can’t decide where to eat, how can he make life altering choices?

13.   Wearing a Bluetooth headset everywhere.
Oh yeah, men who look like aliens and carry on one-sided phone conversations in public are not impressive.

14.   Wearing a fedora.
I disagree! Some men look very good in a hat. The only problem is when they fail to take it off indoors. If he’s wearing the hat inside, there’s a good chance he took one of those pricy courses on how to attract women that advise wearing eye patches, colored contacts, hats, etc. to stand out from other men. He has more weird stuff to spring on a potential date courtesy of his course.

15.   Calling their ex “crazy.
There are two people in every relationship. The ex may have been crazy, but calling her that means the man fails to be accountable for his failure in the marriage. It also means any relationship that doesn’t work out will only be due the wacko female. Most women don’t want to play that role.
What traits do you think should be on the list?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Out Of Focus: When the Man Doesn't Focus on You

Two dating stories have something in common, a lack of focus on the woman. A fifty-something woman decides to wait on a suitable man until he had time for her. He initially palmed her off with the excuse that he was too busy for a relationship.  She initiated their infrequent dates they manage to have about every six weeks to two months. She called, emailed, and planned the dates. The summary of the story was after doing this for three years, she scores two dates in one month. Triumph, only it isn’t one really. Three years and she’s doing all the planning. At best, she’s his social secretary.

The second story that has been all over the news is the Dating Assistant. Matthew Valentines’ business helps the busy executive score a date with an attractive, suitable woman. He’s not a matchmaker. He or one of his assistants develops an online dating profile for the man, sure to lure the single hottie. He corresponds with the women, then labels them with designations such as Material Girl, Attention Whore, etc. He presents his review, then arranges the call where the actual executive must talk to the female. His services are only $9.50 an hour. Makes you wonder how many hours Matthew invests in his job since he’s saving the men so much time.

Mr. Valentine has receive some backlash from various women’s magazines. Even CNN jumped on the boat pointing out it was a breakdown in authentic communication. What it boils down to, in both stories, is the man didn’t care enough to put any interest in pursuing the woman. The majority of a relationship is in the chase. A man pursues a woman because something has sparked his interest. If he isn’t putting time or effort into getting to know a woman, then he isn’t interested.

What woman wants to go out with a man who didn’t even initiate the contact or the date? He’s not invested and the woman is little more than a dating version of the fast food drive thru window. In the first story, the man might decide to settle for the woman because for three years she’s been doing everything for him. Why put out any effort? Just about the time she thinks she has him, another woman catches his eye, one that isn’t that accommodating and makes him work to garner her attention. In turn, he values the woman he has to work to draw her interest.

As for the busy executive, he’ll treat his date like an entrĂ©e at a restaurant. He’ll have no problems rejecting the woman for the least little thing since he didn’t put any effort into getting to know her. The assumption will be that the dating assistant can locate a more suitable woman for him, which is one the assistant will encourage. In theory, it is not to the assistant’s advantage to have the man hook up with a forever type of gal immediately. It is also hard to explain that mysterious click that allows you to know when a person is right.

Despite all the forms and details, the executive receives another man’s opinion of who would be a good date for him. This type of dating help used to be called arranged marriages and parents brokered it. They probably did a better job since they knew the real person, not the glammed up version the executive gives to make himself sound like a prize as opposed to a self-absorbed individual.

In the end, using either method, the women find themselves with men that have no time for them and very little interest.